Freedom Without Becoming the Bully

Oppression teaches us some dangerous habits.

It teaches us that power comes from domination.

That safety comes from control.

That justice comes from making somebody else hurt the way we hurt.

But here’s the quiet truth I’ve learned through organizing, art, motherhood, healing, and community work: if we’re not careful, we can start fighting oppression using the same tools that built it.

We can become loud in ways that silence others.

Rigid in ways that erase nuance.

Cruel in ways that feel righteous.

And suddenly, the fight for liberation starts to look a lot like bullying.

That’s not freedom.

That’s trauma cos-playing activism.

Real liberation asks something much deeper of us.

Let me be clear: this is not a call for passivity. This is not about telling people to accept harm, stay silent, or stop defending themselves. Protecting your family, your community, and your dignity in the face of oppression is not bullying, it is survival. It is sacred. What I am naming here is the difference between principled resistance and reproducing harm. You can set firm boundaries, organize, disrupt unjust systems, and defend your people while still refusing to dehumanize others or lose yourself in rage. Self-defense is not cruelty. Community protection is not oppression. Liberation has always required courage, strategy, and love...and we deserve a freedom that doesn’t cost us our humanity.

The Trap of Becoming What We Resist

Systems of oppression survive by socializing and training us in their language. They teach us hierarchy. They reward domination. They normalize disposability.

So, when we finally wake up, when we finally see the machine for what it is, our first instinct is often to swing back just as hard, using the same weapons.

But freedom doesn’t live in revenge.

It lives in repair.

If we want a world without bullies, we can’t build it with bullying tactics.

We have to practice something harder: principled resistance.

How to Fight Oppression Without Becoming the Bully

Here are some grounded ways to stay rooted in humanity while standing up to injustice:

1. Lead With Clarity, Not Cruelty

You can name harm without humiliating people.

You can set boundaries without dehumanizing.

You can tell the truth without tearing someone’s soul apart.

Ask yourself:

Am I trying to transform this situation, am I using this situation for revenge, or am I looking to dominate it?

2. Remember Who the Real Enemy Is

Oppression wants us fighting each other.

It feeds on lateral harm.

It survives on division inside marginalized communities.

Keep your eyes on the system, not just the symptoms.

Don’t let trauma turn your comrades into targets.

3. Practice Accountability, Not Cancellation

Calling someone in is different than calling them out.

Accountability says: You harmed. Now let’s repair.

Bullying says: You harmed. Now you’re disposable.

We don’t build liberated futures by throwing people away.

We build them by teaching, healing, and transforming.

4. Protect Your Nervous System

A dysregulated body makes reactive decisions.

Rest. Breathe. Touch the earth. Drink water. Dance. Laugh. Make Art. Eat Good Food. Turn off the doom scroll.

Your nervous system is part of the revolution.

Burned-out people reproduce violence even when their energy is coming from the right place.

5. Move at the Speed of Trust

Urgency without relationship creates wreckage.

Take time to listen.

Build real community.

Let people grow.

Revolutions that create lasting change are built intentionally, with care.

6. Choose Love as a Strategy

Not soft love.

Not performative love.

I’m talking about fierce love.

Disciplined love.

Love that holds boundaries and still believes in people.

Love that says: We’re getting free together or not at all.

Too Dope to Bully Means Too Rooted to Dehumanize

Being Too Dope To Bully doesn’t just mean refusing to be bullied.

It means refusing to become one.

It means choosing integrity over ego.

Healing over humiliation.

Community over conquest.

It means understanding that liberation is not about flipping the hierarchy, it’s about dissolving it.

We don’t need new tyrants.

We need new ways of being.

We don’t need louder anger.

We need deeper wisdom.

And we don’t need to mirror the violence of the world.

We need to outgrow it.

That’s how we win.

That’s how we stay human.

And that’s how we build something truly free.